I Really AM Happy! Just {so} Tired!

Don't get it twisted, I LOVE my boy's! Besides Griff's two year old antics and Nolan's sleep ridiculousness, I really LOVE and enjoy my little boy's so very much. There are moments of chaos but there are way more moments of complete bliss and tons of joy. Kason and I can't believe these two cute boy's are ours.

Griff has been a terd lately but he seems to be getting better. Time out facing a wall has worked wonders! Who would have thought that just facing him toward the wall would completely change time out for him. He sits there like he should and doesn't get up. He says "Mom, don't make me look at this wall!" the whole time he is sitting there. SO funny. Other funny things Griff says and does:

-he tells me to go to trains.com or otters.com or whatever it is that he wants to look at online. He told me to go to beaver.com the other day and I was like, ummmm. Probably not. (Beaver is a place that we go camping every year) Ha. Not sure what would come up if I went to that "actual" website.

-gets along a little better with Nolan these days. Yay for that.

-he doesn't understand how to answer the question 'why' and it drives us bonkers! When we say "Why?" he replies with "I do. I really do." or "I mam. I really mam." For some reason he says "mam" for "am". It makes us laugh!

I am sure there are so many other things I could say about Griff. He is so smart, he blows our minds sometimes. We are enjoying him so much and trying realllly hard to figure him out.

*The other boy in this pic is leaving me for close to a month to do a job in AZ. Wah.

The Dumps

So really. Not getting a full night's sleep for several months has taken it's toll. A BIG toll. I feel like my sweet little life is falling apart little by little. This might sound a tad dramatic but it's 100% true. I am not a happy person, not a good mom, not an awesome sweet wife or all around good person because of my lack of sleep. Can you say depression? Ya. I went to my doc yesterday for a check up and to chat about a few things and I had a complete meltdown. It wasn't a pretty sight. Not.At.All. He was concerned and nice but the look on his face when I cried was one of complete horror. Poor guy. But really, he was sweet and nice and made me feel better for a moment. Ha. Love my doctor. Doesn't hurt a bit that he is good lookin'! Sorry Kason. You know this already.

Nolan is absolutely killing me. My life feels a shambles. It really truly does. I have tried a few little things to get him to sleep but I haven't tried wholeheartedly. Not one bit. Time for me to get tough. Time for me to not be suckered by the saddest most abandoned sounding cry I have ever heard. Doesn't help that crying it out just doesn't work with him. The kid will cry til the cow's come home. It can't be good. I have anxiety every night as I crawl into bed knowing that in a short hour or less, I will be waking up to a crying babe. And then every two or three hours after that. Every time I walk into the kid's room he is kicking and smiling. So happy to see me. What is that?

He isn't hungry. I know he isn't. I feed him a jar of baby food RIGHT before bed and I nurse him. Lately, he has been getting a dose of Motrin for teething and that stuff doesn't even phase him. Motrin used to knock Griffin out til morning. Oh how I wish! I would think Nolan died or got kidnapped if he slept through the night. I think he is just a terrible sleeper in general. He sleeps so lightly and gets woken up by every little sound. Killer when you have a noisy 2 year old. Ahh.

A few things I have been looking into are this and this. I wish I would have ordered the teething necklace several weeks ago when I first starting looking because it would be shipping from Europe. Don't think I can stand to wait that long. The sleep aide is something I might just try! I am telling you, I am desperate. Money is no object! Well...

I fully believe that if I could sleep at least 5 or 6 hours straight every night I would feel much better. I have always prided myself on being able to function on little sleep but night after night after night after night? Nope. I feel like I am darn near losing my mind. Thankfully I have the entire summer off starting yesterday. Time for me to get the kiddos on a good schedule and make lots of summer plans. Swim lessons, Toddler Time at the library and much more!

I want to enjoy my time off and enjoy my kids but that just isn't going to happen when I am dead to the world tired. Didn't even have it in me to shower today, didn't go to the grocery store, didn't cook dinner, didn't even leave the house til 6:30pm and it was to pick up takeout, ugh. So not me.

Sleep. Uninterrupted sleep. I hope we meet soon. Very very soon. If not, I am afraid I will end up in a looney bin.

Summer....We Welcome You!

Popsicles, Snow Cones, Splash Pad and Swimming Pool.




Here we come!

SO very excited to have the summer off to hang with my boy's!

Can We Go Camping?

This is a question I get asked darn near everyday. Griff always wants to go real camping but he usually settles for camping in our front room. We all decided one day that Griff had asked this question one too many times so we finally went camping! We packed all of our stuff up in a jiffy and went for it. We went (no joke) like 45 minutes down the road and set up camp for ONE night. We had a little checklist of things to accomplish. Go for a 4 wheeler ride, make a campfire, roast marshmallows and sit by the fire. Griffin's favorite things. Things we routinely do every day, whether we do it for real or pretend. Yes, we "drive" four wheelers all over my house. We even pop some nice wheelie's too. Sounds crazy to go camping just because a 2 year old say's so but that's how we roll!




Griff was thrilled to say the least. One blissful night of camping made the kid's day! We have several camping trips planned for this summer, we can't wait! So glad this little guy enjoys the outdoors.


Nolan doesn't seem to mind it either.

Too Flippin' Funny

I helped one of my students make a blog today. It is HILARIOUS. You would have to know her and know the people that go with the animals. I created the blog for her but she came up with the animal picture thing herself. Too funny. I didn't realize she even put pictures on her blog until I got home from work today and peeked at it. Smart girl. Her name is Glenda and we have had her in our class for four years. Her nickname is Blender. We used to have a down syndrome boy that called her Blender because he couldn't pronounce Glenda. Funny funny kids. Sometimes I REALLY love my job. Special needs kids are my fave.

When Griff's Away....

Nolan will play! (Freely, without getting the beat down from Griff)

I haven't see much of Griffin in the past couple of day's. On Saturday Aunt Nicole took him for the whole day on a little date. They went to McD's, Jumpin' Jacks and Wal-Mart. They also took a little break at Cole's house to watch Finding Nemo. On Sunday I took Griff to church and sat with him during sacrament and then off to nursery he went while I taught my class. We came back from church to find Uncle Klint and cousin Addie at our house! Griff was pretty excited to have a pal to play with. They played and played and naughty Kason fed them fruit snacks and candy. When the time came for Addie to go back to Mema's house Griff had the saddest little meltdown I have ever seen. The kid is obsessed with his Mema. Obsessed. Klint and Addie left and Griff asked to call Mema. She could tell he had been crying so she came right over to get him. Needless to say, I didn't see the child again until the next day!


Anyway, Nolan and I have had some really good bonding time. I have actually quite enjoyed it even though I was missing my little Griffy. Nolan had a gay old time playing in Griff room's and going through his closet. Two things that Griff will not allow. I couldn't find No for a second and this is how I found him. He had NO clue I was snapping pics.




He caught me!!


On to my question....


If anyone has discipline ideas, book recommendations, anything at all....send them my way (asap-ha!) via email (julespead@aol.com) or Facebook.

Griffin is such a good kid about SO many things but he despises his brother and it makes me so sad. He hits him, kicks him and hurts him for no reason at all. It's heartbreaking because Nolan adores Griff. He also will NOT share his toy's. I am about to chuck every toy Griff owns in the trash. See ya $20 Thomas Toys. I don't even care.

My Friend Wookie

I got to see a dear dear friend while I was in AZ. I have known her since the beginning of time! She has always been an amazing, honest, perfect friend. She has been there for every phase of my life. Her Mom and Dad were like second parents to me and I love and miss them so much.

I spent half of my life at their house from elementary school all through high school. I would walk through the alley behind their house, jump the back yard fence and crawl through their doggie door to get into their house. I was there A LOT.

Brooke has always been my best friend. I lost of track of her for a few years though and it made me so sad. I honestly had no idea where she went :( When I found her she had a new man and identical twin boy's! Darling little guy's. Here are some pics that Brooke's awesome Mom snapped :) The first one is the STORY OF MY LIFE. Boob obsessed boy's. Oh my.

Eight Months

Nolan you are getting sweeter and sweeter as the day's go by. I am so in love with your sweet, tender personality. I love the new things that you try that are so exciting to you. Some tidbits about Nolan right now:
-loves bath time
-army crawls ALL over my whole house, sometimes I can't find him
-blows spit bubbles in the car and loves that Griff and I laugh when he does it
-sits up really good
-gets on his hands and knees and rocks
-no teeth as of yet but I think teething is coming eeeek
-loves every kind of baby food
-loves drinking water out of a regular cup
-still nurses like a tiny little baby, ridiculous
-still wakes me several times a night, double ridiculous
-no matter how much we are up in the night, he is ready to get up at the crack
-loves all of his brothers toys
-loves for me to stand him in the window sill to watch cars go by
-truly obsessed with his Momma, drives Daddy bananas
-18.4 pounds

Sweet sweet tenderhearted boy! We love you so so much!

{testimony}

My testimony has been wavering a bit lately and my faith a little low. I can't really explain why. I think it's a combination of a lot of little things. A lot of it has to do with not feeling like I am the perfect Mom, not having complete balance in my life, not feeling good enough, pretty enough, fit enough, not having a clean enough house...you name it.

Yesterday was just plain rotten. Griffin was so hard and really testing our patience. He spent half of the afternoon and evening in his room and went to bed without dinner. It was a terrible day and although Mother's Day was just a few days ago, I was questioning my role as a mother.

I decided to kneel down and pray really hard last night about being a Mom. I prayed for guidance with Griffin and to gain some knowledge about what needed to be done to help him. I prayed that I would stop questioning myself as a mother and as a person.

I am usually so confident but this parenting thing has shaken my confidence just a tad. I usually don't care what other parents (or Mom's) are doing and how they are doing it but lately I have been questioning every little thing. It's no good and I know that! Kason has had to talk some sense into me every once and a while. Poor guy.

So after my evening run and after my prayer I felt a little bit better. I remember thinking to myself that the answers might come slowly and that I needed to be patient.

Lo and behold this morning I had an email from a long time friend. This friend has known me for a really long time {since childhood}. Her and I have seen each other through many years and life changes and she has grown to be an amazing woman. Her and I used to be little heathen's! Her email was an answer to my prayers. Never have I seen an answer so fast and one so concrete. There it was, in writing, right in front of my face. Without getting into too much detail, she basically let me know that she was proud of me and that she thinks I am a great Mom.

Her email strengthened me immeasurably. I can't thank her enough for being in tune with the spirit and for saying the things she did. It was as if she had been sitting right there with me as I prayed. My testimony of prayer is so strong now. It was just the perfect little boost that I needed in my life. Thank you, friend. You know who you are. Love love love you.

Mother's Day 2010

I am not going to sit and pretend that my Mother's Day was perfect, because it wasn't! It was a typical normal day, exactly how I imagined and expected it would be.

My day started with Nolan waking me at 6:30 am ready to get his day going after nursing 3 or 4 times in the night. No sleeping in, no breakfast in bed, no mid morning massage from the husband. Ha. Just a typical morning! Like all the rest and that's how I like it.

Kason did make a yummy breakfast and then did some cleaning up for me. I also got to take a 45 minute power nap :) Niiiice. Church was a disaster as it normally is. I got to enjoy little bit's and pieces of the sweet Mother's Day program. The programs at church always make me teary. I watched a darling little old lady hold Nolan during sacrament and I could tell that it made her happy and took her back to the year's when she had little one's.

Mother's Day is a special day but it is no different than any other day. I don't need a day of pampering or anything like that. Kason and I decided that I indeed needed a little gift for all of the night's that I have been waking up with Nolan though (haha) SO I got a nice little pair of sunglasses.

I am so thankful to have the privilege of being a Mother. I feel like I have been truly blessed to have two healthy boy's and I couldn't be more thankful for that. They bring so much joy to me everyday. Griff and I took a walk together the night before Mother's Day and I told him all about it. We talked about what it meant and how happy I was to be his Mom and what a good kid he is. I told him that my sunglasses were a gift for being a good Mommy to him and Nolan. He was silent for minute and then said "tomorrow on Mother's Day I will get a good little boy gift!" He cracks me up. I explained to him that it's "kid's day" everyday and Mom's get just ONE day. LOL. I am sure he didn't get it but I chuckled to myself of course.

Being a Mom is the hardest but most rewarding job I have ever had. I have wanted to be a Mom for as long and I can remember. Just ask my Mom. Ha. These boy's bring me infinite amounts of joy. They have really made me understand the love that my parents have for me and the love that our savior has for each and every one of us. I can't even imagine how He must feel.

Comparison

I honestly think that these two boy's look NOTHING alike and I LOVE it. It's fun to have variety. Wonder what our girl would look like?

Take A Moment

If you follow Nie Nie then this is worth watching.

Hope all of you Mom's have an amazing Mother's Day!

Life Lessons...already?

So just as I post about having neighbor kids come over to play and liking it...not so much anymore. Here's why.....Griff does little chores and earns money to buy his Thomas the Train toys. He does chores for his Mema and Pepa and while we were in Arizona he picked fruit and did some other things for my Mom. She had forgotten to pay him during our visit so she sent him money in the mail and he was thrilled. When he gets money he tosses his dollar bills in his night stand drawer and counts it every once and a while. I realized just recently that his money wasn't in his drawer anymore. Griff had no idea where it was and Kason hadn't moved it. Then a light bulb went off in my head. Maybe the little neighbor boy took it??

I hate to blame the kid but I am pretty darn sure he took the money. He is the only kid who has been in Griff's room unattended lately. I do remember a day that he abruptly left and I thought it was really weird. So poor Griff and I had to have a little chat about stealing and how it is wrong, etc. He seemed to really understand what I was saying. We also talked about how we need to put money in a safe place so it doesn't get lost or stolen. After we talked about stealing he said to me "He just borrow my money. He bring it back." I had to explain to him that he probably won't bring the money back, that it was all gone and he would have to do more jobs to earn his money back.

I feel so bad about his hard earned money being gone. I hated explaining "stealing" to him and how it is not a nice thing to do. A little epiphany came over me and I realized that I can't protect my kids. They will have to learn hard life lessons and those lessons are just a part of living. I wish I could protect them from the awful things in this life but I can't. Sometimes I hate the thought of bringing any more children into this world. I will do my absolute best to teach my children wrong from right and show them the path that will bring them the truest happiness. I hope and pray that my sweet boy's will never go astray, I can't bear the thought.

In light of the money stealing we talked about piggy banks! Piggy banks have always been a fun concept for me so off to Target we went looking for one. To our surprise they had a whole end cap full of piggy banks and we found one that matches his room perfectly and will for sure keep his money safe.