My Name All Over It

I found this on a friend's blog and it really spoke to me and basically screamed my name. It was taken from c jane enjoy it.

"On a walk this morning I ran into my neighbor Lucinda. I love Lucinda because she skips small talk and just serves the meat. This morning as we strolled by she asked me how I was feeling. After I responded, she went into a thoughtful expedition about the female journey.

"There is a point where a girl becomes a woman." She said. A point where a woman becomes a female warrior. Where her life is no longer a game, it is a genuine battle. Not to survive only, but to survive and be strong.

The thought swallowed me.

Because lately I've wondered about myself. Where has my youth gone? Suddenly, I don't feel the charms of my twenties, or even earlier thirties. Something inside of me has fundamentally changed when I didn't even know it. But I feel it.

I find myself wanting to fight. Fight for simplicity. Fight for truth. Fight for a daily thirty-minute nap/ quiet time. Because if I don't fight, things get complicated. They get confusing. I don't get a nap. Fear camouflages faith and things get really messy . . . unless I fight.

I think I must be transitioning over the threshold, because I still find myself embarrassed for what I lack. My jokes were funnier, I was clever-er, my ability to keep it all together was intact . . . back then. But now I am in that awkward stage where I am not secure in becoming WOMAN, although there She is, ready to hand me a sword to cut through crap.

Crappy ideas, crappy expectations, crappy use of time or money or resources, crappy things I want (really, really want) but certainly don't need, crappy behavior, crappy situations I put myself into, crappy doubts.

And here is the mashed potatoes to go with Lucinda's meat: when I hear women say "I used to be this or that" or "My brain has gone to mush because . . ." because they've had babies, or because they've devoted their lives to other people, or because they've crossed the line of girl to woman, I always think It won't happen to me. Please, don't let it happen to me. But I see now how it happens. Big dreams seem too distracting, physical energy turns into spiritual examination, gray hairs appear. You change, dang it, you just do.

But perhaps it is all in the wording:

My ability to be clever has turned itself into an ability to be wise.

I have trained my brain to assess the needs of others before my own.

My charm comes from not feeling pressure to be charming.

I prefer the simple life. The life I have now.

And I know I won't always have to fight. At some point it will be in my nature to be a secure, confidant woman without the battle cry. Today though, I like to feel the weapon in my hands, ready to unleash it upon all stupidity.

As for the threshold, I wonder. For me, it isn't pregnancy, or having a baby, or near-death experiences of loved ones (though I am sure they push). It has been a quiet, God-guided transition that I've underappreciated. Until today."

Thanks Krista and thanks Lucinda!

2nd Birthday Party

For Griff's birthday he went 4 wheeling with Mema, Pepa and Daddy and he had a BLAST. He didn't get home until his actual birthday so I had some balloons in his bedroom and gifts from family that he could open. The next day we had cake and ice cream at our house, super low key! The only friends we had come over were Jeremy and Kim because they love Griff and we love them! Lisa, Maddy and Nicole came and it was a nice little night. I wouldn't normally buy a cake but Lisa had told me about a 4 wheeler cake that she had seen at the store so I HAD to get it :) Griffin absolutely loved it!

Jumped The Gun?

I truly do not think that little Nolan has H1N1. As I sat in the hospital and listened to the nurses and my doctor I was able to put a few things together in my mind. He tested positive for Type A flu which includes the swine flu but also some other forms of the flu. Since H1N1 is so rampant they had to "assume" that is what he had and be on the safe side and admit him. I guess they admit anytime a baby that young has a fever. The nurses would come in and get all suited up to care for Nolan and sometimes a nurse would forget and come walking in without protection. Then another nurse would tell her to suit up "in case" it IS H1N1. Then I asked my doctor if Nolan's diarrhea is a symptom of swine flu and he said NO. Last week Griff had a temperature on and off for a few days and then it led into him having diarrhea for about 4 or 5 days. But the whole time he had it he seemed fine. Maybe a tad out of it and he didn't eat much. He still ran around and played though! Griff also had a clear runny nose and a light cough (he would only cough every few hours)I think the cough had to do with the draining of the runny nose into his throat. Nolan woke up with a temperature Saturday morning and that is the day we admitted him. Since then he has had ALL of the symptoms that Griff had. He is being super happy and normal but he has had diarrhea for a few days. He has NO swine flu symptoms! Now that leads me to worry because Nolan could still get the H1N1 virus if this isn't it. Obviously we are going to continue to be careful and not take him in public, etc. We will still not be getting the H1N1 vaccination though. I am going to see my Doc today so I am sure I will get more answers on this. I have a gut feeling that I am right though!

Update: Doc B is still pretty sure it is the pig flu that Nolan has. He said he has seen super mild cases and some severe one's. So, it might mean that whatever Griff had was also the swine flu? I don't know. I am so stinkin' skeptical but I always am about a lot of things. Nolan is still doing fine and is as happy as can be! Maybe we caught it early enough, maybe Pepa's blessing helped, maybe the Tamiflu...I don't know but we are happy he is okay either way.

One Crazy Week

We have had a super crazy drama filled week! Kason brought the swine flu home from his 4 wheeling trip with his family. Pretty sure Klint had it but we wouldn't have known it the day they left! Everyone seemed fine and healthy :)Oh well! These things can hit hard and fast! So Kason and Griff were exposed to H1N1 most likely on that trip. Griff never got it (crossing my fingers) but Kason got it really bad. It comes on very fast and is accompanied by a fever and severe body aches. Then it kind of goes into respiratory type symptoms and even some GI stuff. Kason is just now kind of feeling better but it has almost been a whole week of him being way sick. Poor guy.

Needless to say Griff and I have stayed healthy but poor little Nolan got it :( As soon as I noticed him with a fever I took him to see Doc B. He looked him over very thoroughly before deciding to admit him. His rapid test for H1N1 came back positive at his office as well as at the hospital after we got there. The hospital stay went okay. Nolan was a sad baby and they did a lot of awful, ouchie things to him. I left the room for all of them. Poor kid doesn't have a supportive Mommy when it comes to that stuff. But I was always there to rescue him as soon as they were done. The staff was great to us and took such good care of Nolan. The nurses had to get all suited up to come into the room. Bodies covered, masks on. I talked with a lot of the nurses about how many of their friends, family members and even themselves have had the swine flu. We talked about how it is being hyped up big time by the media, I agree. I have a feeling it has something to do with politics and our presidents ideas for health care but we won't go there ;)

Anyway, Nolan is home and fine. He is sick but he is taking something to keep him from getting sicker and I am on the same thing to prevent myself from getting sick. I need to be well to take care of my family! Nolan had 2 visitors in the hospital :) Maddy and Pepa. Maddy was my choice for the only visitor that Nolan was allowed to have and Pepa got a special exception (they let "church" people in for things like blessings, prayers, the sacrament) to be there so that he could give Nolan a Grandfather's blessing. It was a sweet blessing and it made both of us feel better. Maddy held Nolan while I took a much needed walk around the temple grounds and while I went to the "family room" at the hospital to receive the sacrament. Both were much needed after how hard this week has been for me. My next post will be something happy, Griff's little birthday party!

Oh and my little fat boy is almost 13 pounds and he is 23 inches long! Gained almost 4 pounds since birth (wow) and has grown 3 inches in not even six weeks, crazy!

2 Year Stats

Head: 19.33 inches (62%tile)
Weight: 29 lbs (63%tile)
Height: 34.5 inches (54%tile)

So, Griff is growing good! Wish his height percentile was higher. Ha. We calculate him to be 5 foot 9! Here's to hoping!

Two Years Old

October 17, 2009
Two year's ago a barely crying, red haired, sweet little boy entered our lives. It was such an amazing day the day Griffin was born. We had no clue that we would be getting our little boy. We didn't know the sex of the baby so we were all on pins and needles waiting to find out. I wasn't entirely sure but I really thought that out of my BIG belly would come a big healthy boy. Sure enough, out he came! After a 24 hour labor and two and half hours of pushing, there he was. He was perfect! Kason was the first to announce the sex to all of the people in the room and he was so proud. We were both so happy that we got our boy! We named him Griffin Robert.

Griffin you have been such a joy to us these past two years. You were the perfect baby, so content. You had the sweetest red hair and everyone that saw you commented on your hair color. You are now a sweet strawberry blonde and you have the greenest eye's, just like your Daddy. As far as looks go, you look just like your Mommy! You sailed through all of your milestones with ease and super early, I might add! You walked at 10 months and 2 weeks. After that there was no stopping you! You run everywhere you go. You amaze us with the things you remember and all of the words that you know. You have the cutest little dimple when you smile and you are always smiling. You LOVE Tractors of any kind, work trucks, Thomas the Train, the "train store" (Barnes and Noble), 4 wheelers, trailers, your blue "bumpy" blee blee (blanket, he refuses to call it anything else) and watching YouTube videos. You love helping your Daddy with any project that he is working on and you love going to the shop to "work" and see Pepa. You also love to ride the "heathcliff" (forklift) with your Pepa, who you adore. You love going to Mema's house because you know that she will play with you non-stop and give you all the popcorn you want, among other yummy snacks and treats. You adore your new little brother Nolan and you tell him all the time that he is your friend. You also tell him to get bigger so that he can play with you. You kiss him and love on him all the time and he watches you intently as you talk to him an inch from his face. I am sure you two will be great pals when you are older.

You have accumulated a few silly nicknames as well. They all started when I told you that your name was Griffin and I said , Okay say Griffin. You said so sweetly, "Pippy"! It was hilarious. You eventually said your name right but we still call you Pippy, Pipp, Pipsqueak, Pippen and Squeaker. Squeaker kind of comes from Pipsqueak and I call you Squeaker all the time! It's my favorite nickname for you. When we ask you what Mommy calls you, you say "Freaker". It makes me laugh out loud every time!

Griffin we love you. You are a great kid! You are so sweet, kind and tender and we love that about you. You have the best manners too. We hope you stay sweet and grow up to be an amazing boy and man. We are so thankful that you were sent to us unexpectedly because we wouldn't change it for the world. Happy 2nd birthday, Griffin!

The picture is of Griff counting his fingers trying to show that he is 2 :)

Big Boy Is One Month Old!

Yes, we call him big boy...and fat boy :) He is HUGE! So cute and fat with little rolls darn near everywhere. We adore him and his fat little self. He moved out of newborn diapers a little over a week ago and he is wearing 0-3 month clothes and some 3-6 month. Happy one month, Nolan! It has flown by, of course. Doesn't time always do that with babies? Especially when you have a 9 pound baby :) The whole newborn phase kind of flies by! We have enjoyed this little guy so much so far. He is VERY much a Momma's boy. He pretty much wants me or my boobs every minute of the day. He just wants Momma to hold him and continuously nurse him. It is so sweet and yet, so exhausting! He is quite the little spitfire too. He hates having a poopy diaper and he will cry until you change it. Once you do he is usually back to his normal self! He also cries when he wants to be fed and you better do it quick! He is super content but not nearly as content as Griffin was. He won't just go to sleep, he needs to nurse to sleep...little stinker. He has been fussy in the evenings lately which causes him to want to cluster feed and I let him :) He needs it. He sleeps great at night only waking a couple of times to nurse and he goes right back to sleep. During the day he is a pretty sweet little boy. He literally just started doing little coo's and smiling today! He has the sweetest smile! I am curious to see if he will have a dimple like his brother and Daddy. I feel like I have NO clue who this little guy is yet. I love him and adore him but I don't know him, does that make sense? Please someone tell me I am not crazy! I can see his personality a little bit but other than that, no idea! I am excited to see what he will end up like.

Nolan, we adore you big boy! Can't wait for you to get bigger because Griff is so anxious to play with you and Mommy is going crazy staying home all day to keep you from catching the pig flu. Griff also wants you to get some teeth so that he can shove food in your mouth like he did today. I don't think you like Cheerios because you pushed them out. We will try those again when you have some teeth :) P.S. You have the prettiest brown hair, please keep it brown and on your head. We love you, Nolan!